notes and comments

so, yes, I am very lazy sometimes. which is why I havn’t posted in a week. so there are also some stories piled up. first off, fourth of july…

because wednesday’s are the biggest days for all of the tours and guide offices here in haines, it was out of the question that any of us would be having any sort of holiday this fourth, as it fell on a wednesday. The cruise set has no respect, apparently. Any how, so my chances at holiday celebrations didn’t materialize until after I had been at work for ten hours, and got back at about 7:30 pm that night. Byrne was going to the party held by his co-workers (a subtle distinction:I work for Chilkat Cruises and Tours, Byrne works for Chilkat Guides) and I tagged a long. There was a mass of people down by the docks,with kegs and salmon and all sorts of food to be had. To understand this situation you have to keep in mind two things: one is that it is raining and very cloudy. This perturbs no one. The second is to understand the drinking habits of Haines, Alaska. Haines has the highest percentage of consumption of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer any where. Full stop. Now, if you are like me at all, the first thing you think of when you hear Pabst Blue Ribbon is Ed Hopper in Blue Velvet. I didn’t realize any one actually still drank the stuff, besides deranged ahsmatic psycho rapists. Well, it turns out this town does. So everyone is standing out in the rain, drinking great quantities of PBR, and setting off fireworks. This is a situation where it is better to be sober than not, because you can’t pay for this kind of entertainment. The best part being the trio of shifty young men trying to set off a potato gun on the beach. Everytime the police would come by, bleating that fireworks weren’t allowed (an exercise in pointlessness) they would quick hide it in the grass, looking innocent. Apparently, the engineering behind a potato gun had proved too much for these enterprising fellows, and they gave up fairly quickly. But, what to do now? Well, there are plenty of aersol cans containing hairspray and engine starter around, and we have lighters, so…
Well, there is nothing quite like a crowd of drunken Alaskan’s all armed with blow torches, hooping and hollering. Byrne and I kept moving around, trying to make sure we weren’t behind any of them. People were writing their name in flames on the sidewalk, people where singeing eachother’s backsides, there was a dog who took particluar interest in fireworks and kept running towards any hint of fire and explosion. It was a pyro maniacs convention gone intoxicated. It was also the most forthwright expression of American freedom and values a good patriot could have hoped for.

This also lead me to dream that I was setting people on fire in a major airport. I was struck with deep remorse, and was going to turn myself in, right before I woke up. Nice to know my moral sense is still active in the subconscious.

The other recent surreal experience was TAM class. For my job at Mountain Market, I need to be have certification to sell the booze. This meant I had to go to the Techniques of Alchohol Management class. This was held at the American Legion building on Monday. My first problem was that I unthinkingly put on a German military shirt before going, which lead to me sitting very uncomfortably surrounded by militaristic Americana. But truly, the class was like something out of John Waters film. The woman who taught the class had projection that would make me weep if I had it in an actress, and elongated all of her words into small arias of nasal vocalization. The cross section of people there was also fascinating, including the people from whom you had the impression that they didn’t have any place better to be. They insisted on regaling us all with tales from the alchohol business, which were long and pointless. There was the fellow across from me who had recently fallen off his motercycle and sat there picking the largest scab I have ever seen. Happily, I got my card, and am now a certified member of the alchohol selling community. Oh, and it tastes good.

Must be at work soon, so I’m off to another rainy day on the lake. Don’t drink and play with fire.